Rating Brands of Toilet Paper

April 6, 2020



     Toilet paper is a crucial tool for all humans during the struggles we face today. Amidst quarantine life, toilet paper has emerged as a symbol representing one's class based on their quantity, and more importantly, the quality of the toilet paper they possess. In fact, there are full on wars in the middle of all grocery stores across America fighting over the last toilet paper roll. Nowadays, toilet paper is worth the same as gold. 

     The soft silk-like paper is perfect for one's needs in all places required on our bodies. While the rough, sandpaper-like toilet paper, that is much cheaper reigns in the bottom of the toilet paper ranks. 

     I will now identify four of the most common toilet paper brands and where they rank. Only because yes; it really does matter. I am judging these brands based on texture, quantity in a pack and absorption. Disclaimer: All opinions expressed in this article are my own and I am heartily sorry if I offend you in any way.

     Coming in at last place is obviously Scott 1000. Is this toilet paper made out of sand paper? No one will ever know. Whoever wrote on the package that it is a ¨Great Value¨... lied. I am so sorry you had to find out this way. However, this toilet paper is incredibly cheap for the high demand it has nowadays. To rate this toilet paper, I give them a solid two (because it gets the job done) out of a ten.

     Now, a close third place rank goes to Quilted Northern Ultra Plush. Is this even a surprise? Although the price is reasonably low, there is certainly a reason why. The ¨Softest Toilet Tissue Ever¨, they say. However, I say, ¨The #1 Toilet Clogger¨. There isn't any specific reason why the paper is unnecessarily thick, it just is. My rating for this toilet paper is a four out of a ten.

     Coming in second place for the best toilet paper brand is Cottonelle Ultra Comfort Care. This brand is here for the sole reason of the price. The quality of this paper is rather good and does not leave any problems. The only problem is this, it's just average. My overall rating for Cottonelle is a seven out of ten.

     Now, the rating you all have been waiting for… the number one toilet paper is (drumroll please) Charmin Ultra Strong!! It is no surprise that this brand absolutely carries every other toilet paper company on their backs. By a landslide, Charmin is the best toilet paper brand. 

     What adds to my love for this toilet paper is definity the cute little bears on the package, also the commercials are enjoyable to watch. However, not only are the bears cute, but the material of this paper is impeccable. The strong hold and softness of this paper has added to the quality of the tissue. 

     At this point, the price does not even matter because it will give you the best results. There is not one doubt that Charmin is the real deal. To rate Charmin, I give the brand a ten out of a ten. And as for Charmin, I am still looking for my brand deal...


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